Kelsey & Tyler: high school sweethearts, college rivals, BFFs

We are high school sweethearts. We met in the marching band and had our first date when we were only 15 years old (our parents had to drop us off!). Pretty much the rest is history. We went to rival colleges: Tyler went to Purdue, and Kelsey went to IU. We did the long-distance thing through undergraduate and graduate schools, visiting on weekends and FaceTiming every day. We were finally in the same city again during Tyler’s last year of pharmacy school and got married in December 2018, after 9 years of dating! We have both grown together and are different people than when we first met, but what we have always loved most about our relationship is how we are each other’s best friends, biggest cheerleaders, and being together is like being home. We have experienced great joy, but also great heartache and loss in our 16 years together, and there is no one we could have imagined walking through life with than each other.

Our silly, sweet, and banana-loving 2 year old: Gabriel

Gabriel is 2 years old, and he is a bundle of energy, love, and silliness. Gabriel gives 100% to whatever he is doing. He LOVES train sets and will play with his wooden train set for hours. When we’re at gymnastics class (a parent-toddler class), he is ALL about the trampoline and balance beam. If his favorite songs are on (right now it’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen and “Let’s Get Loud” by J. Lo), he is dancing and singing along at the top of his lungs. And if we are at the park with his balance bike, we hope you brought your walking shoes! We have no doubt that he will give 100% into being a big brother as well. He already loves to help around the house, such as putting groceries away, cleaning up his toys, and “sweeping” with his Swiffer. We know he would love any job related to a baby sibling. He is already sharing with his future sibling – he was so excited to move into this “big boy” room recently, leaving the nursery available for a future baby.

What Kelsey has to say about Tyler:

What I love most about Tyler is how he shows his love for our family and how intentional he is. He turns my imagination into reality, such as building me a fireplace where we had a large, blank wall in our living room, or making wooden advent trees for our nephews that I drew up on paper. I’ve known Tyler for over half my life, but getting to know him the past couple years as a dad, I am impressed with how patient he is with Gabriel. Sometimes, bedtime takes hours (is this normal for a 2 year old? Google is undecided.) and Tyler will read to, sing to, and hold Gabriel’s hand until he is ready to sleep. To get to the point, Tyler is my home and has been my go-to person since we were teenagers. My hope is that he will always be our child(ren)’s go-to person as well. To me, your go-to person is someone who is a safe space, who welcomes you as you are, even if it includes mascara running down your face, sweats, and messy buns. It should be someone who is not only dependable, but someone who is empathetic, listens, and is kind beyond all else. This is Tyler.

On a more fun note, Tyler is the goofiest and most fun person to be around. He will do anything to make sure the people around him are laughing. Oftentimes, he is cracking a joke or making a sarcastic comment, and sometimes even breaking out in full song and dance. Because of Tyler, our home will always be filled with laughter. I wouldn’t want it any other way, and I couldn’t imagine not having him by my side.

What Tyler has to say about Kelsey:

Kelsey and I talk about our work every day on our drives home. Kelsey works on the burn unit of her hospital, and I hear how she goes above and beyond for her patients, who are experiencing the worst times of their lives. But it doesn’t stop with just her patients. She does the most for patients’ families, bringing comfort to them in difficult times. That quality is what I love most about Kelsey; she is so caring for others. She spends her entire day caring for others and putting others before herself, then comes home and takes care of me, Gabriel, and our zoo of animals. A couple summers ago, there were 6 different couples/families in our community that were moving. Kelsey’s first thought was to offer to help them, and we did. She did not hesitate or think twice about it, and that is just who she is. She wants to help others and be the best friend she can be. The same can be said when we have family gatherings. When the family gets together, Kelsey always wants to bring a dish. We both come from large families where we know that there will already be plenty of food to go around. But Kelsey always wants to bring something to the table. It could be dessert (she loves desserts), a side dish, or just drinks. I believe it’s just her naturally showing that she loves and cares for the family. Her care for others has only become more evident and has seamlessly transitioned to her role as the greatest mama for Gabriel. Not only does she care for and nurture him with the greatest love I have ever seen, but she cares so much about his relationship with his birth family. She is my best friend and better half, and I couldn’t have asked for a better partner to go through life with.

Our Support System

Grandparents:

We are so fortunate to be growing and raising our family not far from the area where we each grew up. This means that both our parents live less than 5 miles away! In fact, there is a bike trail we can take from our current neighborhood to Tyler’s parents; Gabriel calls them Lola and Pops. That same bike trail is almost finished and can nearly take us to Kelsey’s parents, who Gabriel calls Gigi and G-paw. We are fortunate to have parents who are so involved in Gabriel’s life. They are our strongest support, helping us solve house or car issues, babysitting Gabriel, or just providing emotional support when we need it.

Tyler on his family:

My brother Ryan lives in the same city with his wife, Rachel. Ryan has always been a person I can look up to and ask advice of. We speak on the phone several times each week, and we were each other’s best man at our weddings! Ryan and Rachel’s son is Romy. Romy is only 8 months older than Gabriel. We love seeing them grow up together!

Interesting fact about my family – I am 1 of 13 grandkids to my Lola and Lolo (my mom’s parents). As my cousins are starting their own families, there are 5 toddlers that are around Gabriel’s age who are expected to graduate the same year as him! There are a couple new babies on the way now, and we cannot wait to see our cousin crew grow! Family parties are already so much fun with Gabriel and his cousins, but we are so excited for the chaos and fun that will continue with more little hands and feet.

Kelsey on her family:

My sister, Kara, is only 12 months younger than me, and we grew up like twins! She is truly my best friend. Kara and her husband, Trent, have 2 kids: my nephew Cayden and my niece Paige (she is only 7 days older than Gabriel!). Unfortunately, they live in Nebraska, but we make it a point to see one another multiple times per year, and we have lots and lots of FaceTime calls. Kara is my greatest emotional support, and someone I go to for all my thoughts and feelings (even if it’s just asking “should I get red or blue nail polish?”).

My brother, Ethan, is 9 years younger. Due to our age gap, we were not very close growing up, but he just graduated from college and moved into a house with his fiancée, Claire, down the street from us! We love this new chapter of life, getting closer to them, and it is so fun seeing Gabriel look up to his uncle and auntie!

Our friends:

Our extended family – our friends – mean the world to us. Each of us has our own close set of friends, whom we met in middle school! We went to a very diverse school growing up, and our friend group reflects that! It is so fun having diverse friends and experiencing each other’s cultures.

Kelsey’s close set of girlfriends all met in middle school and have stayed close ever since. We have supported each other through our extended studies and careers. They are the best resources as parents! Her girlfriends consist of a family doctor, a physician assistant, a school teacher, and medicinal chemist.

While Kelsey’s friend group is spread across the country, most of Tyler’s friends live in the city. Tyler’s friends love to host cookouts or game nights. It is so fun building community with them as friends invite other friends, and we keep meeting new people in our city!

Our Neighborhood: intentional living

We absolutely adore our community. We live across the street from the elementary and middle schools. The front door to the elementary school is only 41 yards, or less than half a football field! There are always kids walking and riding their bikes on our street to get to sports practices, meet at the playground, or play with their friends. One of the reasons we chose our home is because of the school district. It is top-rated in our city and among the most diverse schools in Indiana. We are so happy that Gabriel will go to a school where he will not feel like a minority as a black child.

Our home is a small bungalow with 3 bedrooms. We love our small, cozy home that promotes family and closeness! We love the large front porch where we can play with bubbles and sidewalk chalk and watch our neighbors walk by. Gabriel and our dogs’ favorite thing is the large fenced-in yard for playing in the sprinklers, throwing a frisbee, or just running non-stop. Added bonus! Our house is 3 blocks away from an ice cream shop, coffee shops and restaurants, and only 2 blocks away from the local park.

Apart from our community and home, we try to be intentional about the professionals that Gabriel and future child(ren) have in their lives. We see a Hispanic pediatrician, and Gabriel gets his haircut at a black barber. We want to invite diversity and inclusion in our lives whenever we have the chance. 

Family traditions

We LOVE some good family traditions. Growing up, Kelsey spent New Year’s Eve with her Oma and Opa (grandma and grandpa in German) and participated in a German tradition when the clock struck 12am. The tradition is called Feuerzangenbowle (we don’t know how to pronounce it, LOL). But it involved lighting a rum-soaked sugarcane on fire over tea and drinking at midnight! There may have been a permanent smoke/flame covered spot on their ceiling. Since Oma and Opa have passed away, we now spend New Year’s Eve with Kelsey’s cousins instead. Every year we graze all night while we play Rock Band until it’s time for the midnight countdown! Maybe in the future, we can conjoin both our German and our new traditions.

One tradition that we have started as a family of 3, we always put on Christmas pajamas on Christmas Eve and go for a drive to see Christmas lights. Then Christmas morning, we have Gigi’s famous Blueberry French Toast Casserole for breakfast while we open presents!

Tyler’s favorite family tradition happens quite a bit more frequently, but is VERY important. When the Colts are playing, we must drink blue Gatorade.

 Childcare:

We are so fortunate that Kelsey will be able to take 12 weeks of family leave when we welcome a new baby into our family. Tyler’s work gives new fathers only 2 weeks for paternity leave, but he is saving up PTO so he can add extra time off as we bond with a new baby and get adjusted to being a family of 4. After that, our plan is to enroll them in the same daycare program that Gabriel is in. Our daycare just celebrated their 20 year anniversary and several of the teachers have been there since opening! They were such wonderful resources when Gabriel was a baby and even now with potty training! Plus, our parents are near retirement and/or work part-time; that makes them available to help out if the kiddos are sick or if they just want a grandparent day! Kelsey loves her schedule, which she works full-time, but only 4 days a week. Kelsey is really excited for the opportunity to spend her extra day off with Gabriel AND a sibling at home, cuddling or on adventures around our city.

We didn’t think this is how we would build our family. We tried to get pregnant for years and pursued both IUI and IVF treatments without a successful pregnancy. But now, going through the adoption process with Gabriel, we know this is how our family was supposed to be formed. We will always have open and honest communication with our child(ren) about their adoption story. We will love our kid(s) whole-heartedly, give him/them as many resources as we can find, and support him/them in whatever life brings them. We know from our relationship with Gabriel’s birth family that building relationships can take time, and everyone coming into a relationship brings their own backgrounds and perspectives. We are preparing our hearts for the future kid that will one day join our family, as well as for that child’s birth family. We love regular meet-ups with Gabriel’s birth mom and sharing all of his milestones, cute outfits, and silly dances via an online photo drive with his birth family. We know relationships change and evolve over time, and we do not expect this adoption to be the same. We understand the birth family of our future child may desire a different level of openness, and we respect this. However, we do want to nurture love, respect, and openness from our end – always. We will always speak of our child(ren)’s birth families with respect and love and tell them their story. Thank you for reading about our family! We hope that our paths may cross, and we have the chance to meet you!